I had an awful dream last night about getting online and seeing that everyone had posted something they hate about me. It was terrible. It's amazing I didn't wake up crying because...well, I kind of obsess about people liking me. It's a huge flaw. It's something I hate about myself.
What I wish could have been tacked onto the end of this dream was a big sign that said:
AT THE END OF THE DAY ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF!
Yeah. I need that stapled to my forehead. This obsessing over what others think about me has gotten so bad that it has entered my dreams. It has gotten so bad that as I've tried to work on my novella, THIRDS, I keep stopping every other sentence to ask myself who will hate the line and why. It has gotten so bad that every single post I put up on Twitter or Facebook or my blogs runs through my head all day long as I ask myself, Who will find something offensive in this? Do I sound too selfish? Did I say what I want to say in the most political manner?
It has gotten bad enough that I feel I can't even be myself...that being myself is a bad thing.
It's selfish to obsess over this, and it's got to stop!
Do you have any suggestions for me? I'll go hide in a corner now as I worry about what you think about this post...