Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Imaginary Conversations with My Main Character

Lexus: I wanted to talk to you about kissing Nate.
Anthony: Wait… what? You don’t kiss Nate.
Lexus: Exactly. I think at the end of the chapter, I should kiss Nate.
Anthony: No.
Lexus: Why not?
Anthony: Kissing Nate would be selfish.
Lexus: I’m kinda selfish.
Anthony: It’s not very smart.
Lexus: Hello? Brain damaged.
Anthony: Um…
Lexus: What is the real reason you don’t want me kissing Nate? You have to admit, some inappropriate suck-face at the end of the chapter with Nate is a perfect tension device. Plus, Nate’s cute.
Anthony: Fine. I don’t want my readers to think I’m trying to live my high school fantasies vicariously through the boys you are meeting on this undercover assignment.
Lexus: Bouhahahaha!
Anthony: Shut up.
Lexus: Bouhahahaha!
Anthony: God, you’re such a bitch sometimes.
Lexus: Oh man, you kill me. Sorry. Um, sweetie, your readers already think that.
Anthony: Again: shut up.
Lexus: And while we are here, let’s talk about some of your failed characterization.
Anthony: Wait… what?
Lexus: You just finished explaining how the world’s religions were gutted as a prelude to the war, yet I constantly say “Oh my God,” and “God damn!” and my personal favorite, “Sweet Baby Jesus!”
Anthony: Oh. I go into that in book four.
Lexus: Book four.
Anthony: Book four.
Lexus: You haven’t even sold book one yet.
Anthony: Nope.
Lexus: What book is this you’re on now?
Anthony: Book two.
Lexus: Let me see if I have this right. You’re working on a sequel when you haven’t even sold the first book. You may never sell the first book. In fact, the last book you wrote might be your first book and that is in a separate genre.
Anthony: Yup.
Lexus: Wow. No wonder you want to be a writer. What else could you do?
Anthony: Hey now! Don’t be ugly. I know many writers and they are all very smart.
Lexus: Yeah, smarter than you. That should tell you something.
Anthony: You’re being mean.
Lexus: I can’t believe you’re married. What does your wife see in you anyway? Obviously it’s not your intelligence.
Anthony: Hey!
Lexus: Oh, I get it. You’re a big squishy man-softie.
Anthony: Am not!
Lexus: Softie!
Anthony: Shut up! I do manly-man things.
Lexus: Softie!
Anthony: Enjoy your Nate kisses, you hussy. This childish conversation is over.
Lexus: Figured that one out all by yourself did you?
Anthony: …


  1. lol I love Lexus.

  2. Lol, that's great. I need to talk to my main characters more often.

  3. Wish I could do this, my children's historical fiction tends to be action driven, need to practice speaking with my characters more.

  4. I've had conversations with characters from completely different novels. It can really get out of hand. You really need to keep those characters on a short leash.


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